he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
please come you make the beer taste better
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
