I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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