If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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