Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've blown a few things in my day
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
