I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
