One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
