dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
