The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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