she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
