I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
