Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my being single is dangerous.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
