We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to calm my uterus...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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