i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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