She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.