I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me