I smell stomach acid.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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