when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
