I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
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You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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