hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
