Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
