Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize