your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
