Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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