I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
