How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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