even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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