She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
