so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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