I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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