I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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