Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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