It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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