You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
