Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
