let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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