whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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