dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
