I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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