$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
