Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
