why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i now understand why vodka
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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