Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
