When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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