to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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