that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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