Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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