oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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