I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
