There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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