Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
