i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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