no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
