We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
