He asked to "fluff my boner.."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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