Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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