im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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