I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
