You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
