I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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