Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize