terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
