worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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