I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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