You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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