I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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