Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
