I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
