How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
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