pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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