She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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