every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
