trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
