you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
