she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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